Pregnant All Over

When you go into the cute maternity boutiques (and yes, there are more and more of these trendy and expensive shops opening each day), they have you try on the clothes with a strap on baby bump. They've got different sizes...like one for what you'll look like at five months, seven months and so on. It's fun! What they don't have (and need to get in my opinion) are strap on saddlebags and a prosthetic huge ass that we can try on with the clothes as well. Show me the woman who only gains a cute little belly and NO other weight and I can almost guarantee that she'll pop out a baby who hasn't had his/her fill of omega-3s, calcium and protein.

I honestly thought I was heading down that Kate Moss road when I trotted out of the doctor's office last Friday after having learned that I only gained a textbook 3 pounds during the first trimester. Well, it's six days later, and let me tell you, A LOT has changed since then. Word of advice to a pregnant woman...there are lots of things you'll want to check out in the bathroom mirror before you get into the shower...new boobs, new belly, etc. But whatever you do....DON'T TURN AROUND! Save yourself a lot of grief and don't check out your can. I was a proud cellulite virgin until this week. Yes cellulite, as the pregnant belly, comes out almost overnight. Maybe the fact that I must have something sweet after dinner has played into it. Or the fact that McDonald's (where I haven't been in years) has THE GREATEST milkshakes ever. OMG people, if you haven't had one in 20 years like me, you've got to try one. They are so thick and yummy, and oh yeah, thanks to the internet I learned that they are also loaded with calories and fat, so for now, I'll save my next milkshake for the third trimester....and as a treat after the doctor visits. Shoot, I gotta have some kind of treat since I can't have a glass of wine...